If you’ve ever found yourself wading through a cinematic cesspool of hammy acting and dialogue so dreadful it makes your high school drama class sound like Shakespeare. Well, buckle up because I have an award show for you!

Welcome to the world of the Golden Raspberry Awards, or as it’s affectionately known – the Razzies. Here, trashy cinema doesn’t just get the last laugh; it gets a cacophonous cackle-fest.

Consider the Razzies the mischievous, slightly unhinged cousin of the Academy Awards. While the Oscars are all about the glitz and glamour, the Razzies revel in cinematic stumbles and fumbles.

After all, the Razzies are where being the ‘worst’ is the best. Welcome to the anti-Oscars, where Hollywood’s elite gather to hang their heads in mock shame and collect their due for inflicting upon us films that make a root canal seem more entertaining.

Razzie Contenders & Odds 2024

Start placing your bets for the worst of the worst from Hollywood’s upcoming releases; contenders include some real stinkers. From wooden actors to nonsensical plots, these films have all the makings of a Razzie-winning disaster. So sit back, relax, and prepare for the ultimate cinematic battle of the bores with a chance of winning (losing) big at the 44th Annual Razzie Awards in 2024.

Worst Picture Betting Odds

Big Shark – 11/4

Wiseau’s previous film, “The Room”, gained cult status for its ‘so bad it’s good’ quality, and the same could potentially be said for “Big Shark”. With its unique blend of Wiseau’s trademark oddity and the peculiarities in its narrative and production, “Big Shark” seems to have all the ingredients necessary for a Razzie nomination, if not a win. So, if there’s a category for ‘Most Confusing Use of a CGI Shark in an Underwear Ad disguised as a Movie’, then “Big Shark” is a shoo-in!

Cocaine Bear – 6/1

A few factors might make “Cocaine Bear” a contender. Firstly, the movie’s plot is quite outlandish and seems to rely heavily on shock value and the absurdity of its premise.

Secondly, the character motivations and plot progression might be considered nonsensical or illogical, with various characters engaging in reckless behaviour. These factors combined could make this a surefire nominee at the 2024 Razzies.

80 for Brady – 6/1

The movie is based on the story of four elderly women journeying to the Super Bowl to watch quarterback Tom Brady. Audiences have panned the movie for its lacklustre humour, including instances such as a Tom Brady bobblehead talking to a character and an accidental drug trip scene. The film is also critiqued for serving primarily as an ego boost and promotional tool for Tom Brady and the NFL rather than focusing on the talents and abilities of its cast.

Die Hart – 7/1

To avoid being typecast as a comedic sidekick, Kevin Hart enrols in a school for action heroes led by Ron Wilcox, where he must master the necessary skills to become a highly sought-after action star in the entertainment industry.

The film has been criticised for being a one-joke premise stretched too thin, with the jokes constantly failing to land. Additionally, critics have accused the film of pandering to its audience, playing it safe and lacking real risk-taking. With those points in mind, “Die Hart” has a shot at winning some Razzies this year.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey – 9/1

Just hearing the title “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” can pique anyone’s curiosity. However, the movie could be considered a low point in cinema history. Its tedious storyline, cringe-inducing dialogues, unconvincing performances, and overused tropes might leave viewers wishing they could get back the time they invested. Making it a real outside to scoop a Razzie!

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Good luck, and may the worst film win!

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How The Razzies Began

Picture this: American publicist John J.B. Wilson is sitting in a dingy theatre, enduring a 99-cent double feature of ‘Can’t Stop the Music’ and ‘Xanadu.’ Each moment is a test of his endurance, a cinematic gauntlet thrown down by the movie gods. And somewhere between the disco-infused madness and roller-skate melodrama, a light bulb flickers on above his head. “These films,” he thinks, “deserve to be honored…for their monumental mediocrity.”

As he drives home, his mind fills with the reel of disappointing films from 1980. It’s like a parade of cinematic missteps, and he’s got front-row tickets. His job making trailers meant he’d seen more films than most people have had hot dinners, and boy, had he seen some stinkers.

Fast-forward to the next year. Wilson’s holding one of his typical potluck parties on the night of the Academy Awards. As the pomp and ceremony of the 53rd Academy Awards unfold on TV, Wilson’s living room becomes the stage for a different kind of award show.

Cardboard Lectern

Standing at a cardboard lectern, looking dapper in a comically tacky tux, Wilson passes out ballots to his friends. They vote on the worst films of the year, and the winners are announced with all the ceremony one could muster in a Hollywood living room. ‘Can’t Stop the Music’ is bestowed with the inaugural ‘Worst Picture’ award, and the Razzies are born.

This impromptu event is a hit among Wilson’s friends and even manages to catch the attention of local newspapers. Suddenly, the Razzies are news, and their popularity starts to snowball.

2nd Award Show

From the humble beginnings of a living room ceremony with just three dozen attendees, the Razzies quickly escalate. The 2nd award show sees twice the attendance; by the 3rd, it’s a full-on event. By the 4th Razzie Awards, even CNN is covering the festivities.

Then comes the real stroke of genius. Wilson realizes that if he schedules the Razzies the night before the Oscars, they’ll get even more press coverage. After all, the international press corps needs something to do while they wait for the Oscars. And as the saying goes, “The enemy of boredom is a spectacularly bad movie… or an award show that celebrates them.” The Razzies were here to stay.

One of the highlights in Razzie history came in 2005 when Halle Berry showed up to collect her award for ‘Catwoman,’ bringing along her Oscar for ‘Monster’s Ball’ as her plus-one. In her acceptance speech, she thanked Warner Bros “for putting me in a piece of s***, god-awful movie.” Talk about a purr-fectly catty response!

The Razzies – a Different Perspective on Cinema

The Razzies, in all their wild, wonderful, and at times, bewildering glory, represent the Yin to the Oscar’s Yang in the world of cinema. Where one idolizes perfection, the other commemorates the downright baffling.

In many ways, the Razzies serve as a much-needed reality check to the often self-congratulatory Hollywood machine. They remind us that for every ‘The Godfather,’ there’s a ‘Godfather III,’ for every ‘Casablanca,’ there’s a ‘Gigli.’ They show us that the line between genius and ridiculous can be blurry – or, in some cases, seemingly non-existent.

Moreover, the Razzies stand as a testament to the fact that cinema, much like life itself, is not merely about success. It’s also about failures, about taking risks even if they don’t pan out, about strutting onto the set with a bizarre script and an even more bizarre accent, and committing to the role even when your inner voice (and possibly your agent) is screaming, “What the heck are you doing?”

Famous Razzie Winners

Over the years, the Razzies have been graced by a veritable ‘who’s who’ of Hollywood, a testament to the fact that no one, not even the brightest star, is safe from a stumble. Let’s take a walk down the hall of fame…or is it infamy?

Sylvester Stallone

First up, we have the inimitable Sylvester Stallone, who holds the record for the most Razzie wins. The man who breathed life into iconic characters like Rocky Balboa and John Rambo has also proven his mettle in a different ring – the Razzies. Having ‘won’ a whopping 10 Razzies, Stallone is a true champ, proving that when life gives you raspberries, you make a raspberry smoothie!

Adam Sandler

Then, of course, we have Adam Sandler. Who can forget his record-smashing, mind-boggling 11 Razzie wins for ‘Jack and Jill?’ If there were ever a Mt. Everest of bad cinema, Sandler planted his flag on the summit with this tour de force of cinematic disaster.

Madonna

Now, let’s not forget Madonna. A pop star extraordinaire, she’s shown us that talent in one field doesn’t necessarily translate to another. Despite her music career, Madonna has ‘won’ the Razzie for Worst Actress not once but twice, proving that there are some heights even “Material Girls” can’t reach.

Of course, not everyone is thrilled to receive this dubious honour. Some winners have accepted their awards with a sense of humour, while others… well, let’s say they wouldn’t be caught dead at the ceremony.

Sandra Bullock

But it’s not all doom and gloom. There have been those who have risen, phoenix-like, from the ashes of their Razzie ‘win.’ Take Sandra Bullock, for instance. In 2010, she won a Razzie for ‘All About Steve,’ in a move that proved she could laugh at herself, she accepted the award in person.

The next day, she won an Oscar for her performance in ‘The Blind Side.’ Talk about emotional whiplash!

So, to all the future Razzie winners out there, remember: today’s raspberry could be tomorrow’s rose. Or, at the very least, a hilarious anecdote for your memoirs.

Razzie Categories

Much like their ritzy cousin, the Oscars, the Razzies boast an array of categories designed to cover every conceivable aspect of filmmaking. Only here, the categories are as absurdly entertaining as the films they honour.

You’ve got your classics, like ‘Worst Picture,’ ‘Worst Actor,’ and ‘Worst Actress,’ which are self-explanatory. Then there are the more delightfully nuanced categories, such as ‘Worst Screen Combo,’ honouring those on-screen pairings with about as much chemistry as oil and water.

Worst Sequel

The ‘Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel’ category is a mouthful that might leave you breathless, but it’s a much-needed shoutout to those films that take something good, chew it up, and spit out a monstrosity that leaves audiences wondering, “Why, God, why?”

Worst Director

Then there’s the ‘Worst Director’ category, which essentially translates to “Who guided this cinematic ship straight into an iceberg?” And let’s not forget the ‘Worst Screenplay,’ awarded to scripts so bad they could be used as a handbook on how not to write a film.

Razzie Redeemer Award

But of all these, one of the most charmingly bizarre awards has to be the ‘Razzie Redeemer Award’. This is the prodigal son of awards, the one that says, “You were awful, but now you’re not, and we’re weirdly proud of you.”

So as you can see, the Razzies’ categories are nothing short of a comedic gold mine – a veritable treasure trove of tongue-in-cheek puns and backhanded compliments. Because if you’re going to celebrate bad cinema, why not do it with style and a hearty dose of humour?

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Razzie Controversy

In the annals of Razzie history, 2022 was a watershed year. It saw the birth of a uniquely specific category: ‘Worst Bruce Willis Performance in a 2021 Movie’. The action star, whose charismatic performances in ‘Die Hard’ and ‘Pulp Fiction’ had once captivated audiences, had embarked on a surprising spree of low-budget films. The Razzies, ever watchful, stepped up to commemorate this unusual turn of events.

Bruce Willis

But then came a twist that no one saw coming. On March 30, Willis’s family announced his diagnosis of aphasia, a condition affecting language comprehension and expression. Suddenly, the Razzies’ new category felt less like playful mockery and more like kicking a man when he’s down.

In light of this, the Razzies did something unprecedented: they retracted the category. After all, raspberries are for lousy performances, not medical conditions.

Shelley Duval

In this spirit of reflection, the Razzies also retracted a past nomination. They acknowledged their 1980 ‘Worst Actress’ nomination of Shelley Duvall for ‘The Shining’ was misplaced. Over time, it had become clear that Duvall’s performance was heavily influenced by director Stanley Kubrick’s treatment of her.

Ryan Kiera Armstrong

And the Razzies’ journey of self-improvement didn’t stop there. In 2023, they faced backlash for nominating a 12-year-old for ‘Worst Actress’. Young Ryan Kiera Armstrong had found herself in the crosshairs of the Razzies.

Recognizing this, the Razzies once again rescinded a nomination, declaring a new rule: no nominations for those under 18. After all, adolescence is tough enough without a golden raspberry to worry about!

Ironically, the Razzies found themselves winning their own award for this oversight. In a turn of events that could only happen at the Razzies, they gave themselves a raspberry for their blunder. Talk about eating humble pie…or should that be humble raspberry?

Conclusion

In the end, what’s life without a little mischief or mockery? The Razzies, in their endearing, raspberry-scented way, serve as the perfect counter-balance to the glitz and glamour of Oscar night.

Because, let’s be honest, Hollywood can sometimes take itself a bit too seriously. And when the speeches sound like political treatises and the gowns cost more than your average family home. The Razzies swoop in to save the day, throwing perfectly ripe raspberries at the silver screen’s biggest missteps. They’re the caped crusaders of crappy cinema, the superheroes of spectacularly bad filmmaking.

So here’s to the Razzies! Long may they reign in their kingdom of cinematic misfires, and long may we revel in the joy they bring. Now go forth, dear reader, and embrace the beauty of bad cinema. After all, one person’s trash is another’s treasure – or, in this case, another’s Golden Raspberry.